I just have this terrible feeling that one of my greatest friends is avoiding me….

…that, or I am just paranoid.

Well, my calls, texts and testimonials (friendster) remain unanswered. His niece obviously lied about him not being at home, yesterday. Everyone else is saying that he’s changed.

I wanted to see him for I’ll be off to college this saturday…yesterday might be my last chance. And he…and he… Well, the chance was gone.

…only, it does not exactly feel like home, anymore.

I guess, I have moved on. The dislocated feeling that I had for like three years had gone away. (it’s good. Ü) I just discovered that our new place IS my home…not the one we left when I started high school.

I am currently loving the feeling of being okay. ÜÜ Being trapped in the past is, I guess, a not-so-good thing. The tears of missing everything about my old life gradually ceased…without me taking notice of it. Ü

The 75th post, it is.

I can’t believe that i just had 75 mumblings for the past 10 mos. Yep, heard read that one right. 75 posts, 10 mos. Wow. One real slacker (not to mention blog-neglecting oddity): ME. Ü

Moving on, I’d like to (and I am going to! haha!) ’dedicate’ the post to my ex-classmates, my greatest friends. My high school family. (not another one?hehe..) Well (justifies self), college starts on the 2nd week of June and we are about to go to different ‘paths’ now.

Anyway, I received a message from one of them earlier…and it pretty much summed up all the feelings I had for this parting of ways. Here it is:

Your college friends know who you are…but your highschool friends know why..

The bond that we have formed this 4 years is incomparable, really. It was strengthened by the reality that some external forces had been attacking us left and right since day 1. haha. It sounded like someting from the gaming world, doesn’t it? haha. But it is true.

I dont know any class who wont pass their projects on time for one of them can’t make it (because of some reasonable excuse the teachers wont hear/believe). Or, group projects were converted into class projects, all of us working on them after class hours. Or rescheduling one event over and over until it is sure that everyone could go. Or laughing at the corniest jokes one of us made so that no one would feel ’un-cool’.  

I remembered one conversation we had 2 months ago. Some of them, those you would not think that really dont care, told the rest of us that they dont know what to feel if they walk in a classroom and attend a class with different people, rather than us.

Aww. and I thought I was the only one having problems with this.

I am really going to miss them. I really love those guys. ÜÜÜ

I am studying electronics and we are working with the PCB. After the actual designing and removing the unnecessary portions of the masking tape, one would submerge it in Ferric Chloride until the other copper parts, those that were not needed in the circuit corrodes.

I did everything the instructions said. Unfortunately, the masking tape that was supposed to keep the copper part needed for the circuit was worn away, eaten also by the ferric chloride? As in only a little of the design was left on the board.

Did I leave the board in the solution too long or anything? Help, please?

Thanks. Ü

There was this man who’s terribly sad for he is in another country, working. He’s away from everyone he loves and from everthing that he’s used to. He complained and whined about it for so long until one day, a friend said something that changed the way he felt. The friend said, “Think of those who are jobless. Think of those who dont have enough money to eat three times a day. Just be grateful.” And he said that for the first time in months he actually had a good nght’s sleep.

There was this woman who disliked it when it rains, specially at night. Maybe, it is her half-done house or the muddy street she’d have to trod on in the morning. Then a friend learned of this and exclaimed, “Why, dont hate the rain! I haven’t seen one for 2 years! Think of it as a promise of a new life for seeds…as a ready source of water for the wild animals.”

The friend in the first story and the woman in the second is my mom.

The man in the first story and the friend in the second is someone she met online. He is an african, working in Qatar (no rain for 2 years).

***

Things like these give me reasons on why it is sometimes good to make friends with people even though you just met them through their blogs or something.

Things like these shw that confiding problems to someone actually helps with the burden and that there are indeed lessons found in simple conversations.

Things like these give the importance of always trying to see things in a different light and of trying to be positive in all situations.

Has anyone of you ever had the feeling that you’re dreaming yet still aware of the things happening around you? Like you can still think outside of your sleep? As in worrying for persons not in your dream?

I know. It’s wierd. But I have this sleeping condition that I KNOW I am asleep. I KNOW that I am dreaming at the moment. I even WONDER if I am sleeptalking or if they can hear my me. Yes, all these while I am in a deep slumber.

The latest that this happened to me was probably last monday night. I had this dream of watching an old woman, thin and frail. She was in a bus station. She was walking pretty slow to a group of people, whom I am certain were her son and his family. They were waiting for her and they had big smiles on their faces, as if it was a relief to see her.

I believe they are all going to a province…the son and his family accompanying the old woman for I guess she’s too ‘ancient’ to be certain of where she was. But I felt that inside she was exhilaratingly happy for she’s going home.

All the while that these are occupying my head, I knew that I am cold and I am certain I pulled the covers up and curled.

Then, when the woman was about five to seven feet away from the family, the bus came. The family jumped to the bus, not knowing that no one waited for the woman. Then the bus sped up. I remembered being certain that the woman only saw the back of the last of her family member that gt into the bus…and she knew that she was forgotten. Then she cried really loud and suddenly, in my dream, I was making the sound of the crying, too. As in Waaahhh. Haaaah. Haaaah. It was not a really ‘good’ cry…but i felt the terrible grief, the horror and the fear in her heart.

Then I wondered if mom and dad can hear my wails in the next room. Weird. Then, after three or so cries, I woke up, tightly curled up and wrapped in my blanket…and tears sprang to my eyes. had to bite my knuckles so that i wont make a sound of a sob. I felt so bad for the woman. I think i must have seen my grandmom…though she was different from the woman. She’s healthy and she can travel alone, too. But, I remember thinking of the time that she can no longer go to places alone and she wanrs to go to her province before I went to bed that night.

i swore that i’ll accompany her everytime that I can.

anyone knows what this dreaming state’s called? thanks.Ü

Why is it that every time I go visit this blog do I leave it looking very different than before?

/sigh/ there must be something with the design “button” (the link, whatever that is Ü) that i can’t keep myself from clicking it over and over. hehe..Ü

time: 10:57 pm, Saturday

I am about an hour away from  mother’s day….and I have not figured out what I will give her tomorrow, uh, later. I have not been out of the house whole the whole week but I employed myself with looking for things (yes, around the house…poor mom) that might please her. So far…I came up empty handed. Hmm…I know moms are really not that picky and all…but I still want something special. 

Would a handmade card do it? Erase that…I have no time.

Would a new book be it? I bought really good books earlier and she showed interest in one of them. No, erase again. She has no time to just lie down and relax, let alone read.

Hmm…maybe that’s it. I ought to give her time for herself. Goad her to go to a spa clinic or somewhere else…then again, the spa thing would be much better if she’s not the one who’s gonna pay for it all.  /sigh/

What can I do then? Shall I write her a poem? I know, I know…i am not so much of a writer…the poem’ll probably turn out wrong that she’ll end up feeling bad.

I dunno how to cook…I can’t make a special breakfast for her.

I mean, what can I do?

- – - – - – - – ->>>>

On a different, though a related matter…we had punch in the house earlier. It was served after lunch. It was a surprise when we had Dad’s leave since he usually says no to alcoholic drinks. Then, mom and grandmom actually got drunk…well, not totally…but near to it. I feel that this is an advance celebration or something later…specially when only the two moms in the house got affected by the alcohol! hehe..Ü

Their ears went really red and all that…then, they were more talkative than usual…haha. We all had a laugh and we all had a nice afternoon.

- – - – - – - – - >>>>

Oh, and I have to find a present for grandmom, too. Ü

- – - – - – - – - >>>>

Oh, and for all the mumblings I have done (posted) for the month of May, it seems that I am now spending my last weeks of free internet with my mouth shut. sooooo un-me.

time check: 11:30 pm, Saturday (what? this post took me that long?..tsk tsk..hehe.Ü)

And it is Hogwarts…and the fact that the students DON’T need a thesis to graduate. Ü

Yeah..you had it right. This is (again!) about my nearing college education. I still get the “chills” as I think of the fact that I am basically three weeks away from it. I am about to live in a place so faraway…and will attend the premier university here in the country…take up (as the dean said it) the most difficult course they offer.

I had done several researches and many theses throughout high school. But all of them were groupwork. I had several people to turn to, to ask help from when I feel that I can’t do anything anymore. And all of those works of ours were not exactly acceptable ( in my own judgement, that is). I believe that we could have done more…and they just “looked” passable because we were always lucky the panel overlooked some of our obvious mistakes…and our obvious alterations to make it sound right.

And I know that that can’t be the case in college. /sobs/ There are going to be people who are so good in judging our work.

If I am not feeling confident about the matter now….I dunno what’ll happen when the time already comes…..I just hope i wont be that scared that I might wet my pants…eeewwwww..huhu..

This thought really make me wish, yet again, that I am included in Harry Potter’s world….provided that IT IS EXISTING, of course. Ü

What should I give to my mom this mother’s day?

Last year, I made a very childish image in Paint and used it as a wallpaper for the computer. It was yellow,  with the messages, aside from the big HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY on the center, “i love you”, “thank you” and the like all over. i thought it was kind of cute and mom said she loved it. She did not change the wallpaper for several weeks, even though the desktop looked really dirty and all. Ü

Unfortunately, i cant do something like that again. It must be something fresh, unique and pretty. It must make mom feel that she is appreciated, that she is loved…the way she has made me feel all these years…

i need another brilliant stroke of inspiration….